12 Rules of Life

Be really good to your family and friends, you never  know when you're going to need them to empty your bed pan.

Work is good, but it's not that important. Money is nice, but you can't take it with you. Statistics show most people don't live to spend all they saved; some die even before they retire. Anything we have isn't really ours, so enjoy it while you have it.

Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

When you make a mistake, make amends immediately.
It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now ? How about one month ? One week ? One day ?

If he/she says that you are too good for him/her - believe them.

Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are
"I apologize" and "You are right".

You only need two tools, WD-40 and Duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40.  If it moves and it shouldn't, use the tape.

Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.